Sometimes, I get a little overwhelmed by all that can be
crammed into the waking hours of one day. Today ran the gamete of emotions and
experiences and my brain continues to buzz at a pretty high frequency. Sandwiched
in-between sending email, unpacking supplies, meeting with community partners
and school district staff…racing from one part of the city to the next…shopping,
shopping and more shopping…all in preparation for opening the new YouthCity
program next week, today I attended the funeral of a dear family friend. I love
my job. I love everything about this new opportunity and I don’t even consider
these tasks real work…it’s just part of the stuff I get to do…but this
afternoon while I attended this service…my heart and soul soaked in a much
needed infusion of light and truth and perspective.
Like many in attendance, I was inspired and uplifted by the
life and death of a twenty-eight year old man who just lost a harrowing battle
with Leukemia. He did not shrink! I was reminded of what it means to be part of
a community as a chapel was full of people who emanated love and support and
respect for his young widow, his loving parents and his faithful siblings took
off work, silenced their cell phones and simply poured out their love by
showing up and being present. There is something sacred about the process of
mourning with those whose hearts are breaking and I so needed to be apart of
this reflective process today. The service ended with…
Be still, my soul: The hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last
….Oh, the cycle of human development and experiences…it’s
not an IF disappointment, grief and fear enter your life…it’s a when…why is it
that some wounds heal quickly while others take years to process through. This
sacred and often hellish refining process comes in various shapes and colors
and sizes and without much effort each of us get a customized collection of
challenges all designed to stretch and shake and burse and rattle us to
ultimately determine how we will respond…. what will we do with that we have
been given. This isn’t entirely a religious concept…it’s a life concept. Last
time I checked, I don’t think anyone independently signs up for the personal disappointment
party and yet somehow we all seem to end up there.
What I loved and so needed to experience and perhaps even
remember from today was the whole…sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys
restored…bit. Why is it so stinking difficult to hold on to that part of the
process when you are slogging through the muck of life. When it dark…and I mean
pitch black…why do we so easily forget. I consider grief to be THE worlds worst
traveling companion and I’m pretty confident that in time each of us…and sadly
more than once in the span of our lifetime…grief and pain will show up and get
comfy in our lives for a season. If grief joined me on a road trip it would not
only eat all of the red vines, it would demand soul control over the radio AND
AC and switch channels and temperatures far far too frequently, it would demand
frequent and inconvenience pit stops and it would most assuredly provide
inaccurate and misguided driving directions….and then take no responsibility
for sending me way off in the wrong direction. Plane and simply grief sucks!
Like I hate that it’s part of life and yet I’m learning how to not only
recognize it but I’m learning the important role it plays in this human
experience.
Today, I was thankfully
reminded that in time…and with hope…and thanks to love…and only when patience
and forgiveness have been applied….when change and tears are past….things will
feel safe again and sometimes a greater sense of peace and safety are
experienced…Oh, this process…how I wish I could hold onto the realness of each
phase just a little tighter so I’m better prepared for the next round. Kinda
wish that these type of “ahh ha’s” could be ordered at Costco and yet so
grateful I was able to press pause on the daily grind long enough to sample
some of the sweetness that always follows the ending of a life. Tomorrow starts early and my to do list is
LONG. My life is full and I’m blessed far beyond what I deserve…I’m even a
little grateful for for the dark days…I’m sharing…because I’m hoping I can hold
on to this feeling…just a little bit longer...they say it takes a village to
raise a child…I think it also take a village to heal up a heart….So, thanks for
reading…now go hug someone….
